What Makes A Marriage Last?

According to a study of couples married more than 20 years, the answer, not too surprisingly, is commitment.  What's more surprising, however, is that it is not so much the partners' commitment to each other that counts, as their shared commitment to the institution of marriage.

Dr. David Fenell, a marriage and family therapist at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs, presented his findings recently at the annual meeting of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy in Chicago.  Fenell surveyed 150 couples who were married for an average of 29 years, to the same spouse.

He found that "a commitment to the institution of marriage" topped the list of essential characteristics that enabled a marriage to survive for decades.  After "commitment to marriage as an institution," came "commitment to the marriage partner," Fenell said. The other most commonly reported characteristics of a strong marriage were: strong moral values; a desire to have children and to rear them well; maintaining a good sexual relationship; and spiritual commitment. 

Marriage is not a human, but a divine arrangement.  God originated marriage for the happiness and benefit of mankind.  God commanded the husband “leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).  God intended marriage to be a commitment that is to last for life.  God’s intent from the beginning was that marriage be a permanent relationship (until death). 

Marriage must have the quality of absolute fidelity to one’s mate, if the marriage is to last.  Marriage is entered by free choice, which should cause one to be committed to prove his choice was right.  The permanence, which God requires, is the basis for this commitment.  Marriage is, first an accepting commitment.  We should love and value our mate despite the imperfections we discover. 

Marriage is also an exclusive commitment.  This deeply intimate relationship with one other person satisfies a fundamental human need, companionship.  Marriage was given by God to fulfill man’s need for a suitable companion.

Marriage is a continuing commitment.  Time changes temporal things, including human personality.  Marital commitment must continue through these changes.  Like God’s love, our commitment is never finished.  It must be continually renewed. 

Commitment is made easier when certain qualities are present in a marriage relationship.

What are they?  Respect, trust, acceptance, affirmation, unselfishness, and honesty are all charactistics that significantly contribute to commitment in marriage.  Let us all work to develop these qualities in our marriage relationship.

The scriptures emphasize the fact that God looks upon the marriage vows as a solemn covenant, which is not to be taken lightly.   The oneness we have with our mate originated as a concept of God.  When we become one as God intended, we experience fulfillment, peace, genuine love and concern for one another.